Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber Jobert Sucaldito hospitalized after accident with cucumber

Showbiz talk show host Jobert Sucaldito is recovering at the Capitol Medical Center in Quezon City after a successful emergency surgery to remove a large piece of cucumber that got stuck in his rectum, according to reports.

Sucaldito, one of the hosts of ABS-CBN’s “The Buzz,” reportedly met with the accident Sunday night and was rushed to the hospital after complaining of “extreme pain” in his bottom.

X-rays subsequently revealed that a broken piece of cucumber, about five inches in length, had gotten lodged into the lower end of his large intestine.

It was not immediately clear how the cucumber got there.

The surgeons who operated on Sucaldito were tight-lipped and refused to discuss his case with media, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, they all looked like they were trying vainly to keep from laughing and refused to look reporters in the eye.

Members of Sucaldito’s household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito’s bedroom.

They said it had “bite marks” and was in a “soggy” state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found “a bottle of Johnson’s baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper.”

Reached by phone, Sucaldito said he is fine and will be discharged from hospital soon. He explained that it was all an accident.

Cucumbers Have Rights, Too

“Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a
chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)” he said.

In a related development, a group of vegan Filipinos is reportedly thinking of filing an abuse complaint against Sucaldito for allegedly molesting a harmless and defenseless vegetable.
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Marc Logan is ‘Journalist of the Year’

Marc Logan, ABS-CBN’s prized reporter, has been honored as “Journalist of the Year” by the Rotary Club of Manila in recognition of his 12 years of reporting local oddities and other crazy stuff on primetime TV.

Logan, famous for his rapidfire and rhythmic way of delivering the news, was recognized for his keen eye for detail and nose for news, especially about funny stuff like “wrestling gay men, tribal street dancers, old ladies competing in beauty pageants, two-headed carabaos, etc.”

“Marc Logan makes everything seem funny to the point that it’s unfunny, annoying and repetitive. He makes fun of things that are not really amusing, and the way he reports it is
not even remotely funny, but he has been doing it for years,” read part of the citation.

“That is a really funny thing.”

Logan was cited for his TV Patrol coverage on such important local events like town festivals and record-breaking attempts for things like “biggest bilao of palabok” or “largest sisig plate,” among many, many, many others.

“Gay jokes, old lady jokes, fat lady jokes, toothless people jokes, dark-skinned people jokes – you name it, and Marc Logan has made it every night every year for the past 12 years,” according to Rotary.

Logan makes us “question our own ideas and concepts of humor and even our own intelligence because even though we rarely laugh at his inane jokes and senseless rhyming, he is
still at it, this unfunny big man, laughing like a hyena all the way to the bank,” Rotary added.

Upon accepting the award, Logan thanked ABS-CBN for allowing him to do his thing every night, and his family for being his “only fans.”

Good Times Manila recently had dinner with the Logan family to see what the famous newsman is really like in person.

Here is how the dinner went:

Marc Logan: Napakasarap ng ating ulam, sweetheart. Isang plato ng galunggong, dalawang lata ng corned beef at syempre pa, kangkong with bagoong. Ayayayay! Mukhang mananaba na
naman ako nyan! Ang tyan ko nga’y bilugan na tulad ng isang balloon. Bukas kailangan ko na yatang mag-gym kasama ng mga macho at seksing naroon! Naku naman, inay, hindi kaya ako
ma-out-of-place doon?

Logan’s wife: Ikaw, Marc Logan, huwag ka nang magreklamo dyan! Gwapo ka pa rin naman, parang si Brad Pitt lamang! Oha? Oha? Si Brad Pitt ka pag nakatalikod, si Tom Cruise pag
nakasideview, at pagnakaharap? Naku, mukha kang isang baluga! Joke lang naman, sweetheart! Hayan, kumain pa kayo dyan. May sinaing pa sa kusina, wag na kayong mahiya!

Logan’s son: Haynaku, inay, haynaku, itay, bukas kailangan kong maagang gumising pagkat pupunta kami ng aking barkada sa Boracay! Pahingi namang pangbaon nang hindi ako mamulubi
roon… Ay, P1,000 lang? Itay naman, parang hindi ka si Marc Logan! Nakakahiya naman kung ang anak mo’y pagtawanan ng mga kaibigan nya’t kachokaran! Ayayayay! Salamat sa P3,000,
itay! May pasalubong kayo sa akin na T-shirt at kung anek anek galing Boracay!

Logan’s daughter (adopted): Can’t you talk like normal people? My gosh! Nakakahiya sa bisita.

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Swine flu reaches RP shores, claims first victim – Jinggoy

The dreaded swine flu virus, or H1N1 virus, has reached the Philippines and claimed its first victim, Sen. Jinggoy Estrada, the only confirmed case so far of the disease in the country, health authorities said Wednesday.

Estrada had reportedly been exhibiting flu-like symptoms since last week in addition to other possible signs of swine flu, like taking on a “porcine appearance” and other pig-like characteristics, Health Secretary Francisco Duque said.

Pig

Not Jinggoy

The health department is monitoring five other people in the country after they exhibited flu-like symptoms in the past weeks, the official said.

Late Tuesday night the senator was rushed to the intensive care unit of the Cardinal Santos Memorial Medical Center in San Juan City after he complained of “high fever,coughing, vomiting and making involuntary oink noises.”

His wife, children and immediate family, including former President Joseph Estrada, had been placed under quarantine in the hospital to prevent the spread of the highly contagious disease, Duque said.

Previously, Estrada was also confined to a hospital bed after he had an infection as a result of a botched liposuction procedure.

“He’s doing fine,” Duque told reporters. He said Estrada’s case was confirmed to be swine flu after his symptoms were accompanied by certain “telling changes” in his body.

“His snout started protruding and became pointier. He really looked more and more like a pig,” Duque said. “I mean if you placed him side by side with a pig, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

He said Estrada also could no longer use a spoon and a fork and would eat his grub by “digging his snout into the plate” and making “disgusting smacking and slurping noises as he ate.”

Before he was wheeled into the ICU, Estrada had a message for his family, supporters and constituents:

“Please pray for me and my familoink. I hope we will be okayoink. I pray that my conditioink will not spreadoink elsewhere in the countroink. Maramoink maramoink salamat poink!”
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Piolo Pascual now an entrepreneur, opens sausage stand

Top ABS-CBN actor Piolo Pascual has ventured into the food business by launching his own snack stand featuring various sausages on its menu, according to reports.

The food stand, which is open to franchising, will have its flagship outlet at Trinoma mall in Quezon City. It will be simply called “Papa P.’s Sausage Stand.”

In a statement, Pascual, star of the upcoming Korean soap remake “Lovers in Paris” with KC Concepcion, said the food stand will offer many different kinds of imported sausages, such as bratwurst, kielbasa, cervelat, Italian sausages, and regular American hotdogs.

Since the actor has stopped eating pork and beef, he said they will also offer sausages made with pure chicken meat for the health-conscious.

Pascual said each sausage type comes in different sizes: the 6-incher, also called the “Love Banana,” the 7-incher, or the “Meat Truncheon,” the 8-incher, or the “Jackhammer,” the 9-incher, or the “Bottom Pounder,” the 10-incher, or the “The Deepthroat,” and the “12-incher,” or “The Gagger.”

Each sausage is served hot in a bun or solo with a choice of sidings like fries and chips, and condiments like mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup.

The actor said his favorite condiment is “thick, white and creamy mayonnaise.” “Yum yum! So delicious!” he said in an interview.

“I’ve always loved sausages even as a child,” Pascual said, his eyes twinkling.

“It always feels great to wrap my lips around a thick, long piece of meat, and the way its juices run down my throat is so wonderful. I just looooove having a thick hard sausage in my mouth.”

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Did Aling Dionisia and Floyd Mayweather Sr. have a fling? It’s Romeo and Juliet: senior citizens’ edition.

It’s Romeo and Juliet: senior citizens’ edition.

Good Times Manila has learned from highly reliable sources that Manny Pacquiao’s mother, Aling Dionisia, and Floyd Mayweather Sr., who coached British Ricky Hatton, had a “summer fling” while they were in Las Vegas.


Insiders said Aling Dionisia and Mayweather were seen “cozying up to each other” in a dimly lit corner of a restaurant – unknown to Pacquiao and the rest of the family.

“They were seen cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear. It was really sweet,” one source said.

The sources said the two had to break up the budding romance considering that Pacquiao was fighting Mayweather’s ward. Pacquiao eventually demolished Hatton in an impressive second round knockout.

A fight between Pacquiao and Mayweather’s son, Floyd Mayweather Jr., is also looming large following the latter’s announcement he will come out of retirement.

Eyewitnesses said Aling Dionisia and Mayweather had a tearful farewell at an unnamed hotel. “Ay will mis yu sow mats, Floydie. May hart wil be wid yu olwis. Ay hop we will mit agin. Mwaah!” Pacquiao’s mother was heard saying.

Mayweather gave her a teary smile and said simply: “I love you, Dionie.”

Back home, Aling Dionisia vehemently denied the illicit romance. “Hindi totoo yan. Walang katotohanan yan, utang na loob. Sinisira lang nila ako kay Manny… Alam ni Lord na hindi totoo yan. Bisayds, hindi ko sya type no!”

But when reporters asked about the letters “FMS” tattooed on her ankle, Aling Dionisia looked momentarily stricken. Then she recovered her composure and said it actually stands for “For My Son.”

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